FAQ Friday; When You Don’t Feel "Married"
Last month I posted a little cry for help in the FAQ department and I was overly thrilled with the response I got back from you guys. It’s official that one of the things I love most about my little blog here is how many of you feel the same as I do about the endless situations I write about. It’s nice not to feel so alone sometimes. But anyway here is a little dilemma I received from a reader that I think I totally love. She got married in February and says she doesn’t feel “married.” She doesn’t feel like she’s a part of her husband’s family and she doesn’t feel like a wife. She gets that these types of things are going to feel different to different people but perhaps myself and all of you guys can help her with her newly-wedded woe, no? I think so. Let’s do this!
This little problemo first of all, reminds me of the post I did here on what it really means to be a wife. You guys seriously loved that post and I myself, still scroll through and read all of your thoughtful comments (like I said, the more people rowing along in this little boat of mine, the better). In that post I explain how to me, becoming Apb’s wife didn’t mean my feelings, my role or my expectations changed; but instead the difference (and really the only different in my opinion) was that now, legally we were husband and wife. Should I feel different as we became husband and wife? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is that at first it felt totally weird to become a wife but still have the same feelings and ultimately the same relationship with Andrew.
There are so many days I wake up now, nearly ten months after our wedding and I too, don’t feel married. I think to myself “Whoa whoa whoa, you are married, girlfriend” and I know I am married, I love who I am married to, and I love that we share this union, journey and relationship together it’s just that I don’t feel it; or is that or this rather, what’s it’s suppose to feel like? I feel young, and hip and think it’s so cool I get to have permasleepovers with this guy I love. I feel happy and I know I am happy. But then the title ‘married’ and ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ sort of slap me wide awake and I think to myself, “Well that’s weird Rhi, that you don’t feel married cause you are. And if you don’t feel like marriage is different then girl, you are cah-razy!”
You know how when you’re young, you’d turn another year older and it never failed that one of your relatives would ask “How does it feel to be another year older?” I remember one year after my birthday party I laid in bed that night, totally bummed my birthday was over and I had to wait a.whole.other.year.till.the.next.partay, but thinking super hard about that question and how it really did feel, like physically, emotionally and mentally, to be nine years old versus only eight. And I got really frustrated super fast because I felt nothing, except too much birthday cake in my stomach. Ask me the same question now at age 25 and maybe I could tell you what it felt like to be eight then but you catch my drift. Hind sight is 20/20 isn’t it?
So my thoughts are this; when you don’t feel married is that normal? Do some of you out there feel married and if so can you explain what that means? Does feeling married become something you feel with time or is it something that select people feel and others don’t? Do you brides to be out there have expectations that after your wedding you will feel something uniquely different? I (and one of my readers here!) would love to hear your thoughts. Photo by Amanda Wilcher.