A year ago I sat in a Chicago hotel conference room with close to 30 women like me, looking to change their lives for the better. It makes me smile when I think of how very different circumstances and seasons of life we were all in at October’s Making Things Happen. I came in so confused and hurting, and left a changed woman. I left with a mended heart and better sense of self despite feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the hard work and the hard decisions that were set out before me. Last week I returned to Making Things Happen, but this time as a speaker and there’s so much truth to the saying, ‘What a difference a year makes.’ This time around, the intensive and the entire experience was equally as life changing as the first. I am so thankful to Lara for extending the invitation to come along, and to every single person in Chapel Hill those two days who opened up their souls so beautifully and from such a place of vulnerability and fear. There is such power in community and in love. Last week is absolutely a testament to this.
But then this week, I felt like everything that happened last, happened years ago. Scratch that, it felt like Making Things Happen was only a figment of my imagination. The girl who felt like mountains moved inside her heart just last Tuesday couldn’t have been the same girl I felt like I was this week. This week there were too many negatives in my dialect, too many wont’s and cant’s, too much of wishing for what I don’t have, wanting what I don’t need, when I know too well I have everything I need sitting right in front of me. Too much doubt, too many distractions, too much yuck.
Except this is what it is all about. Deep down in your heart knowing something is true and good. Life isn’t supposed to be pretty instagram photos, sunshine-filled days, and business triumphs every single day. Success isn’t measured by how many clients you book, magazine features you land, and the money you have sitting in your bank. Happiness most definitely shouldn’t be measured by social media followers, cute sweaters in your closet and well, I could list off a plethora (love that word) of other stupid stuff that I use as a measuring tool of my joy and contentment. It’s not that these things are bad but life is at times, about the no’s, the let downs, the ugly, the real, the uncensored, the hard, the challenging, and the unavoidable. Yeah, tough times are unavoidable. That’s what makes the journey so beautiful right?
I used to treat obstacles as devastating blows. For those of you at MTH last week, you get it. Life used to come my way and derail me completely. I almost let a few things derail me this week. Things started unfolding around me and like a big black hole I thought it was all too much. And this morning I looked outside and thought, ‘honestly, another rainy, freezing cold day without sunshine?’ How miserable is it living in a place with no sun! Another day of this awful and literal pain in my neck, another day staring at my computer again for hours, another day of worrying about what everyone else is doing, another day blah blah blah. Nevermind, the blessing that I have just that. Another day! Andrew kneeled next to the bed and simply said, “You need a little something to get you out of this funk huh? When’s the last time you designed some flowers?” He’s so grounded and matter of fact like that. Flowers for me = joy. It’s simple.
Happiness is a choice. I can admit emotions are sometimes these tidal waves that knock you down unexpectedly, but happiness is a choice. Oh Lord, I say this, rather I type this, with tears running down my cheeks because I have been so blessed. I am so loved even if it doesn’t always feel like it. I have been given so many gifts to share with others. And I am at times too weak to admit this. To embrace this. To take these gifts and just do. Last week was a gift. Metaphorically for me at least, Making Things Happen is this average wrapped gift, that yields the most intricately and stunning contents on the inside. I would be nothing but a fool to so carelessly throw away this offering. This gift.
So here I am. I’m imperfect and flawed. But I am so many other things too. Good things. Great things. Today I’ll get back in the saddle. Today is a new month. And today I will be kinder to myself and my heart. I will count my blessings for this. We sold out in TWELVE hours! So I added a few more seats and as I write this there’s just one left. Oh my heart. I will call my Mom to tell her I love her today. I will design some flowers so I can gift them to my Mother in Law who just lost her beloved dog this week. I’ll stop loading my body up with donuts and hash browns and cheese starting ten minutes ago (seriously guys, I feel like I’m living in a frat house). And I will be OK. We all will. We are all enough.
And here are my November goals; that I thought of last week in a big room with 80 plus others. They’re good ones.
• Drink more water. Pure and simple. I can go a full day without liquids. Terrible right?
• Launch the Trouvaille website and ticket sales (guys, we sold out today! oh my word!)
• Schedule once a week date nights for Andrew and I, that do not include our phones.
• Get back into a blogging groove even if it means only one post a week until next year.
• Dedicate one day a week to accounting/budgeting, both personally and professionally.
• Learn how to and execute a cooked turkey and homemade pie for Thanksgiving :)
• Take Zoe for more walks. This dog brings me so so much joy. Walks are important.
I’d love to hear about your goals this month too! Feel free to link below too your goal posts! Happy Friday :)
Photo by the amazing Bradley James Photography.